I am in the threws of completing my thesis and hope to obtain my Doctor's in Panthropolgy shortsly after. I would appreciate any comments you may wish to contribute afore I submit my said.

The Influence of Fowl on Evolution and Cookage in Arrears

by Bob Grubb, PhC

  In the beginning there was nothing but primordial soup. It remaint so for bullions of years. Then slowly it became stocked with chicken, and simmered slow for a long time.

  At some point a chicken of the sea swam ashore. Finding itself unable to strut it evolved legs, and other chickens to strut for. The soup meanwhile was very hot and the land the chicken herds strutted was barren and steamed. Having only extremely hot primordial soup to consume, the chickens eventually developed a jerky head movement today known as the peck, and beaks in defense of burnt lips.

  Soon there was grass. The peckers ranged freely acrosst it, until there came a chicken coup de gras, and the introduction of a new species of two legged animals - Hominus Southernus. Unsatisfied with soup, they became the natural predators of chickens. The Colonelus Sandersiaus species evolved from these much later.

  It was this predatory influence that led to the fowl diversity we find today. Initially stewed, the chickens were destined to become extra crispy. Selective breeding also was responsible for many changes.

  Mankind indulged itself in chicken husbandry despite the Bible.

  Eventually, mankind learned to use cross-dressing as a way to encourage chickens to in-breed, and new fowls were to come, such as the rooster. Eons later it was the roaster, but not until stuffing was developed and celery was invented. (1)

  Soon there were eggs all over the place, and Easter became fashionable. Breakfast was invented as a way to clear a path to other places "fast" without too much "break"age - which turned out to be less messy than otherwise, though there was still not many places to go. Eggs were nearly wiped out at one point due to poaching.

  Today the evidence that chickens are the species all other animals evolved from is overwhelming. Almost everything tastes like it.

  Feetnotes

(1) It cannot go without mentioning turkeys here. They began as fat chickens and just stayed that way after a while. Ground turkey is beginning to be used as a substitute for hamburger, bacon, hot dogs, and leather. Tomorrow almost everything will taste like it and/or hold your pants up.