| Blue Subjects |
I got asked by this chick once
"what the hell does 'blue balls' mean?"
cause some guy in a chat channel
told her he needed to have immediate online sex
to relieve this little talked-about medical issue...
and I'm like "hell I dunno"
only not outloud cause I wants her to think I'm smart
so I quickly googles me up this definition:
Blue Balls:
Slang - the genital aching that may occur when men do not have an ejaculation following sexual stimulation. Women may experience similar aches if they do not reach orgasm, but because of sexist influences in development of our language about sex and sexuality, there is no common expression to describe a woman's symptoms.
so I tole her what "blue balls" meant
but I left out the part about the sexist sexual influences
stiflin the development of nasty words wimmin can use
to talk about their sex and their sexualreality...
placin limits all over wimmins' abuiltly to talk dirty
so they can't tell you how they gets that genital achin
what gets their knees tappin out
Buster McThunderstick's name in Morse code
cause hell, they'd have to talk about down there...
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obviously a woman who dint get to know herself on a regular basis wrote that definition of blue balls all wrapped up inside a bag chock full o' wimmin issues and went on at length bout how wimmin don't has a langwich at their disposals what lets them express how badly they be wanton King Richard to conquer and occupy their territory |
I ferget now...
ya know, if wimmin wanted to put a name
to the condition they suffer
however infrequently
when they be needin to contact Mr. Johnson and the Juice Crew
to do the job at hand
they woulda by now
they has invented all kindsa words
I mean guys dint invent words like "panties"
or "powder puff" or "pasta"
I hope
but prolly the reason
they ain't come up with a common expression
for the physical ache they experience
|
after a long long time of Mr. Stiffy not droppin in for some of that hot clam chowder is that no one liked the sound of "purple pussy"... anyways, |
 ya can't pretend to have the blues. |
Blue Balls:
Slang - the ache in the balls men what has balls get when their balls get too fulled up with jizz.
that says it all and nothin else needs to be said...
cept maybe that the guy's balls don't really turn blue
first, ya wouldn't be able to tell
| cause men has their balls all done up in
a bag so what if the bag turns blue you might ask if you dint want peeple laughin at you for askin dumb ass questions... well it would prolly mean ya had a pen down yer trowlzers and it broke open and ink leaked all over yer balls |
|
and a lotta men go to the hospital needlessly
but I bet emergency rooms call that "bic balls"
cause they know blue balls doesn't mean yer balls
(or the bag ya be haulin them around in) is blue...
 Canada's National Blue Balls Awareness Month |
I spose ice down yer freekin trowlzers could turn yer nuts blue if ya sat still and left it there long enough feel free to experiment I don't give a snoop dawgy dawg if yer balls get frostbite cause the only balls I'm gonna concern myself with are my own hell I've only been on the West Coast once... |
so no - yer testiculite area don't turn blue at all
when yer full of testicwriggler material
(commonly called liquid love juice)
yer balls turn loomunesint green
so in the dark they resemble
the sorta lava lamp you find in Spencers for half-off
cause it's so damn stupit lookin...
yer balls shrivel up, yer bag gets a hole in the bottom
and then yer nuts drop out like raisins out of a lil lunch bag
it might be time to seek medical help at that point...
like maybe they can rehydrate them lil shrively bits but they sure as hell'd have to do somethin and lemme tell you when they start preppin you |
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yer gonna be wishing to gawd you hadn't been spankin yer monkey for bein naughty you shoulda just done the same naughty thing yer monkey does sit alone in a freekin corner tuggin on yer love nozzle till ya makes a freekin mess you dont have to clean the hell up... and then maybe you'd have robust, healthy lookin testedcles |
you can avoid this condition
and stay the hell outta the emergency rooms
by relishin yer hot dawg a hell of a lot more
than any woman seems willin to...
| (but not in thier balls cause hopefully
they don't have any unless you meet them in chat rooms and they really
really really want to have online sex like right now) if they don't reach orspasms now and then (based on observation I'd say once a month maybe if yer willin to take the trash out when yer told to) they gets this condition wimmin get what are like blue balls cept there aint no name for it and wimmin don't have no balls... |
|
fakin orspasms aint gonna keep a woman
from gettin the female ache what has no name
though you'll prolly never catch on
|
and one day you'll be like and that eats at you for a long time |
 |
but anyways even though wimmin get similar aches
they don't have a common name to call thier symptoms...
 |
now a guy's just gonna up and tell ya but whilst wimmin has ways to express |
airin the orchid, pettin the petunia, tiptoein thru the two lips,
tossin a pink salad, butterin up the whisker biscuit,
chokin the oyster, tunin up the taco,
diddlin down the bean, drownin the crabs, makin soup,
partin the red see, rentin a boat fer one in central park,
and lettin their fingers do the walkin
through the streets of tuna town)
they has no common term to describe
their symptomatory ache
(what they gets down in South Park)
cause of the sexist influences
in the development of our language
about sex and sexuality...
I spose if they did have words for it you'd have
even more embarassin commercials on TV
that ya don't wanna look at
with shit like k
there's an executive board room meeting
and it's all ol fart men
|
cept this one way hot chick and Fifi starts squirmin in her chair |
 |
and the product what is designed to fill Fifi's need
is the Wal-mars King-Sized Lava-Lamp Nite-Lite Magic-Wand
what can run offa two dubble-D batteries for like 7 hours
 |
and now the scene shifts to Fifi at home gettin into bed and she's got cream all over her face and a towel wrapped around her head all wrapped up in her sheet lookin like the kind of arabianese zombie what no man's gonna get next to and then she turns off the light |
cause it glows in the dark
and then you see the outline of her hand
snatchin it offa the nightstand...
| and the next thing you see is Fifi back in the boardroom meeting gushin like "I've rounded the mound and now the project's coming along GREAT!" and then she turns to the camera and winks and says ( like she's hidin this freekin information from anyone who might not have caught on when Fifi seized her Nite-Lite) "thanks to the Wal-mars King-Sized Lava-Lamp Nite-Lite Magic-Wand!" and then the narrator comes all over the TV again with "Fifi's on top of the werld since she took care of her Hungry Hole problem with the Wal-mars King-Sized Lava-Lamp Nite-Lite Magic-Wand what runs offa dubble D batteries for like 7 hours" and yer like jeezus freakin crispies why the hell do I has to look at this crap on TV... |
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ya don't see them advertising Blue Ball relief on TV do you you'd prolly see a commercial of some executive Board room meeting and it's all executive braless wimmin and the Chairchick is Mothra freekin Stewart who you wish to gawd had some kinda support |
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and she's like "so Rod, how's that project what yer workin on comin along?" and yer standin there speechless then they do a closeup on yer sweaty upperlip and Mothra Stewart's all "how come you aint sittin down like the rest of us?" and the narrator comes on like "Rod CAN'T sit down cause he suffers from Blue Balls and that's just addin to his overall pressure" and then they show you these dried up raisins and a bicycle tire patch kit and the narrator's all "do you wanna end up like this?" which just might be |
and the product turns out to be I dunno what
cause at that point ya just change the dayam channel
| cause ya aint into thinkin bout or checkin out other men's freekin nuts any dayam way who the hell is unless they werk in an emergency room and even then they're gonna be wearin gloves and masks so ya can't tell which one of the bastards is crackin jokes about you |
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and "I bet he changed channels"...
no one freekin knows if yer insurance is gonna cover any of this
cause who the hell's gonna call up their incurance company
and file a ball reinstallation claim...
a blue balls insurance man cornered me at a party once
goin on and on bout how hard it is
sellin Allstate car insurance when ya has blue balls
so - he sold insurance yet even he dint have his nuts covered...
ya know it's sorta surprising
that more men don't have their gonads insured
cause if ya turn yerself in to a hospital
and don't have insurance
they just gives you yer nuts back in a bag
along with a can of medical grade Fix-A-Flat
and epsom salt
and send yer ass home
wishin to gawd you had at least one nut covered
by a comprehensive blue balls policy...
so anyways they calls em "blue balls"
just so ya has to ask stupit questions
(to be answered by cranky wimmin
what be needin a bit of internal spine support treatment
from Dr. Squirmin' Herman the one-eyed German)
to find out why the hell they calls em blue balls.